April 07, 2010
Have you ever been so frustrated, that you just don’t know what to say next? You know that logic and reason dictate that you behave in such a manner as to facilitate a desired result. You don’t want to be a hermit; there is a big wide wonderful world out there and you only regret those things you do not do, or so goes the story.
These past weeks have been so trying to the extent that I think someone has enrolled me in bitch boot camp without telling me.
First of all, I am trying to adopt my nephew, who I have raised since birth and it seems to be going on forever, because first, we couldn’t find his mother and now that she is back in jail, our own lawyer is taking forever to file the paperwork. More on that later.
My husband and I have raised our nephew since birth and have decided to adopt him. We wish the best for my husband’s sister, but she just is at such a place in her life where she can’t have a child. Her probation has been revoked three times on the same charge(felony forgery in Texas), all for drug abuse and the inability to stay in touch with her probation officer or pay her fines. The second time she was revoked, she had been tested and came up dirty on a ua (urine analysis) screen. She was five and a half months pregnant and tested three times the cutoff limit for methamphetamines. She was out for over a year and when she first got out she came to our house for two days on a pass to visit with her son. Since then she has not made any attempts to attain further passes, which are pretty easy to get, the passes are mainly so your probation officer can keep tabs on where you are. For that trip, I arranged for her bus pass, which her father paid for and later he gave her money to fix up her car several times so she could come, but she never made any attempts. It got to the point that she would call and ask for money and not even enquire about the child. It was in October of last year that my husband and I decided that the time had come to make sure that his future was secure. We have always loved him as our own and he is already our son, but there were so many reasons to make it official and only one reason not to.
Calling her was always difficult because she always made it sound like it was such an inconvenient time and that we were and inconvenience as well. She made it clear that we were unwelcome to call because she didn’t want us to use up her minutes. She said that is the same reason she didn’t call. I remember calling one day because I thought she might want to talk to her child, and she answered the phone with, “What do you want?”
I told her that I was calling so that she could talk to him and she lightened up a little but I didn’t try to call again. She made no attempts to send money or clothing and pretty much just went on with her life in Corpus Christi.
When we approached her about adoption, she refused to talk to us in anything but text message. Her thoughts were jumbled and hard to understand and once she said her peace, she never talked again. she told us she would fight the adoption, but then we got no phone calls and no word from her at all. This was in November. In January, her father attempted to call and she actually did call back but she told him that she didn’t want to have anything to do with any of us anymore and hung up on him.
In February, her probation was revoked for the third time. We had terminated the father’s rights in December, but since we were not able to serve her, as there was no stable home address to be found for her, we had to wait to let a curator do his job in trying to find her before we could go any further. In the mean time my husband’s sister went to jail for the third time. Our lawyer then decided to stop the curator in order to file for another court date and serve her in jail. I watched the state jail records in the internet and when she was transferred I gave him the information and asked him to file and have her served. That was last month.
I called today and not only has he not filed any paperwork, but he informed me that he would not be doing so for another week and a half. You could have heard my heart drop to the floor and break in a million pieces.
He told me that he was waiting to make sure that this is where she was. I had sent him State records and that apparently wasn’t good enough. I had researched and done everything I could to make it that much easier to get things done and yet nothing. He told me that these things take time and that it is very hard to terminate a mother’s rights. I’m thinking, “What does that have to do with not filing paperwork?” I did all of the legwork myself, I got information for him that that private investigator he hired could not find out. When she was first locked up in County Jail, I called my lawyer who said, “Well that’s why the P.I. couldn’t find her then.” In his next call to me he said, “The P.I. has confirmed she is there.” Well, YEAH I had called the jail after I found it in the Nueces County Clerk’s office online. That’s what the word frustrating means. Giving information from a solid source and then having some idiot who couldn’t find the information in the first place go ahead and confirm it. ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH! Insert the feeling of Charlie Brown running to kick the football away and Lucy pulling it away at the last minute and you will know exactly how I felt at that moment.
So, he is still not baptized and we are still not able to put him under my husband’s medical insurance. The lawyer keeps telling me that time is on my side. God keeps whispering in my heart that it’s not. Who should I trust and believe? Who lately has the better track record? I think I’m going to go with God.
My son is getting ready to go to preschool in the fall. Because his mother did drugs while she was carrying him he has had damage to his central nervous system and has needed Early Steps, a Louisiana State run program brought about by the “No Child left behind” act. They have made great strides with him in the past year, but it has not been easy. He still has a long way to go, but the prognosis is with hard work and much patience, he may be completely off assistance by Kindergarten. There are so many plans to make and as we are the ones who stepped up and created an environment of love, patience and caring, it is only right that we should be able to move ahead with the adoption. Sometimes I don’t understand a world that has to make things harder on the people that are trying to do the right thing. She knows about the adoption and she has yet to take any action at all. She’s never lifted on finger in support of him. Why then, can’t our government stand behind us and give us the right to claim him as our child when we have raised him since his birth and cared for him and loved him as a mother and father would care for and love any of their children. I just don’t understand. Dotting all of your eyes and crossing your T’s may be good, but if Adrian Monk were doing it, we would all give up and walk away. There comes a time and a place when it is enough. He is our son. But as citizens of these United States, we have less rights when it comes to him than the woman who walked away from him. How will this ever, no matter how much time passes by, be fair.
Last and probably least by far, but still REALLY frustrating, is the case of the cooking class that just wasn’t.
There is a new kitchen store (I love kitchen gadgets) called Simplee Gourmet in Covington off of highway 21. I will never step foot in there again. Don’t get me wrong, I love the store, but not the treatment I received. I was so excited because they had cooking classes. Woody told me that I should find something to do to release stress and this seemed to be perfect. I signed up to be notified of the classes. I read over them and the owner of the store even emailed me on facebook and asked if I wanted to sign up for a certain class that sounded interesting and I said okay why not. A few days later she called and said that the class had been moved and I couldn’t go on the date it had been moved to, but no problem, there would be other classes.
Then I saw the class of my dreams, Tamale rolling class. Yay! I signed up and arranged for Sammy’s(my son) paw paw to watch him. I pulled into the parking lot about a half an hour early and noticed there was a car show going on for one of the restaurants in the same strip mall. Music was playing and people looked like they were having a great time. I was feeling pretty good myself, until, I pulled the handle on the store door and it was locked! I know I hadn’t come on the wrong day or the wrong time because I had checked the schedule several times, but alas, there was no turnage of the knob. I was early, I thought, so I decided to sit and wait in my car. The minutes ticked by and I became upset with the music from the car show. Why was I the recipient of the obviously no show class and yet their event was running as scheduled. When it was finally clear that no amount of waiting would bring the class to fruition, I started my car and headed for home.
I left a message both by email and phone and finally the next morning, the lady called back and said that her book said I had been sent a voicemail that the class was cancelled. This was untrue because there was no such message on my phone. And believe me, I checked everything when I got home. But I let her talk me into taking the rescheduled class….
Have to pick the peewee up from his daycare…I will finish this story soon…Take Care and feel loved:)