My husband and I have a great relationship. He is a wonderful husband and he has a heart of gold. But his faith in my abilities to problem solve are dreadfully lacking.
This has me walking on eggshells when we have something we have to do. Why? Because if I have a solution and I say, “Hey, what about this?” or “What if this….?,” he gets this look of dread on his face and procedes to develop a list of reasons that what I am proposing will fail miserably.
So, do I walk around and just feel impotent? No, I will think out my solution. Now, in my own mind, I hope what I am planning will succeed, but I know that there is also the chance that it won’t. If the solution works, which is most of the time, Woody acts like he’s had faith in the solution all along. If it fails, he becomes angry that I went behind his back and proceeded anyway. So there are two ways that I come out behind, asking before or him finding out I’ve failed after. The only way I come out ahead is if I succeed.
Faith after the fact sucks…Jesus had to have been disappointed in Thomas when he wanted to feel his wounds to make sure it was really him. I’m not trying to compare myself to Jesus, although I really want to keep becoming a better person to follow the beliefs he set out for us. What I’m trying to say is that I understand why God asks us to have faith and I can see why it would be so disappointing for us to only have faith in what is and not what he has planned for the future, our lives, our destinies.
I was really mad yesterday because my daughter told me that some people she knows that live around Orange Beach have been telling her that there is a smell of oil on the beach and that the oil is going to hit the beaches soon. I feel for the people who will suffer from loss of business and the fishermen and I hope that tis is resolved soon. But I was also mad for myself because I have been waiting all year for this vacation. So many stressfull events have occurred this year (*stream of conciousness thought here – I need to do this in my Word and then transfer it because I don’t see a spell check here) and they will continue to occur for quite awhile.
So I yelled at the top of my lungs at God. I told him that his people loved him and that they didn’t deserve to be treated like this. I was angry and so full of rage, it was pretty awful. I told him that I only had to wait till now to have my time to refuel and refill my spirit and this was so unfair. I let it out and told him how I feel. Picture a kettle boiling a whistling frantically all at the same time and that was me.
But then I called my husband and he talked me down. He made me see that it didn’t matter, we would still go and have a good time. And then I called the company that rented the condo and she told me that the weather was beautiful and she hasd just been down on beach. The sand was sugar white and the water was beautiful.
I hung up feeling much better but feeling bad that I had fussed at God so angrily. I apologized immediatly of course, but I also learned a lesson that had I just had faith before the fact and not just jumped to conclusions, I could have saved myself the stress.
Faith is a tool that keeps us sane. It has no real use after the fact. So take it out of your toolkit and use it more often. Have faith that things will work out and they usually do. It is the solution to negativity. If you have faith and it doesn’t work out, have a plan for that too and have faith in that plan. If you just fall apart because things aren’t going your way, things will keep getting worse, because it is you, with God’s help that makes your life better. Keep learning and keep loving and keep having faith before the fact.
Faith after the fact is not courageous. Anybody can back an apparent winner. The greatest joy comes from backing someone or something from your heart and then as problems arise (and they will), course correcting until you see success. This is the true way to win. When failure is not an option.
Have a wonderful weekend and be generous with love and time for Mom on Sunday,