Spirit Meter on Low Today

This is what I feel like on the inside today.  Woody will be working everyday till Sunday and Sam has an evaluation in an hour to close out early steps.  Thursday I meet with his new teacher to write his EIP and get him started on the week of his birthday.

We have another adoption court hearing on November 4th and I am stressing terribly.  Last night I heard that the breeder is planning on suing me in court and while I know that I did nothing wrong, nor do I have anything to hide, it’s helping to make things considerably worse for my mental state.

Woody says, “Bring it,” and he is ready to go to court and tell our story to the judge, but I feel like I’ve been pulled in so many directions and I am so tired now.  It is important to me to do what God thinks is right and to stand up and be a good example for my children and their children, but sometimes it’s really tough.

I love my son Sam so much, and so I stand up to do what’s best for him and I will never stop.  I will also stand up, always, to let someone know that it is not alright to treat them badly.  Jesus said, ‘Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me.”  Whenever I deal with someone else, as long as I remember this, I will be alright.

I look at Marilyn Monroe, a woman who was so loved by the world and I see inside of her and know why she was so very lonely.  She was so intelligent, warm, giving and caring, but no one ever looked past the fact that she was a “ditsy blonde.”  Her life began in such turmoil and she managed to get through it and move onward, but she was often so totally alone.  “I wish I could have known you, but I was just a kid.” Elton couldn’t have been more right.

So I’m not really sure what I’m trying to say here, I guess I’m trying to avoid the brownout, the negative swirling back in, and so I’m writing about it.  I have to get back to the positive, to a better place in my mind.  I will keep trying, giving, loving, and caring.

I need a break, badly…I know everyone else does too, so wish one for me and I’ll wish one for you….!

Onward and Upward


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