One more obstacle and I can relax for awhile. There are such supportive wonderful people in this world and today they have really walked up to the plate to let me know that I am a really good mom and that I’m doing a good job. I am so grateful for their presence and so happy to have talked to them today.
I keep praying to God to help me squash my frustration over that one person that sunk so low this week to try to make me feel so bad about myself because she is not okay with herself. But the scary thing is, that in this world, there are people that have no internal filter that tells them what they are doing is immoral and unconscionable.
I saw the movie about Jim Jones and the mass murder in Guyana and it just hurt so much to watch all of those people betrayed because one man was worried that people would find out all of the things he was doing wrong. His son grew up with all of the people that were killed or that killed themselves and because he had traveled out of town for a basketball game had survived the situation. It was heartbreaking that this young man has to live with all that happened. How saddened his soul must be. He has spoken out many times against what his father did; this must have been very difficult, to step out of what he had grown up with, sort of a Saul to Paul situation. I just want to hug him and thank him for being an inspiration. These are the people, those that rise like a Pheonix from the ashes to give hope to all of God’s people.
I read somewhere that Madeline Murry O’hare’s son became a minister and tried to undo what she had done in her lifetime. The thing that should make it better for all of us is to see that the children in each case were inspired by God to be better, to reach higher and farther. For that we must be thankful.
So as I acknowledge all of the wonderful people in this world who give of themselves and welcome the world with open hearts and open minds, I am filled with new hope and new spirit. And as I ask God to create in me a clean heart, I also pray that he heal the hearts of those that are filled with such pain that they feel the need to lash out. As I have prayed to get past the anger at the person who said such horrible, awful things to me, God fills my mind with the words, “Mercy and Compassion.” You must forgive and give a second chance to people even if they don’t deserve it.
When Corrie Ten Boom spoke about her time in the concentration camps she moved people to understand this concept. At the end of one of her speaking engagements, an older gentleman came up to her, blue eyes streaked with tears. He told her that he had been one of her SS guards and that he knew that she could never forgive him, but he was so sorry for what he had done to her. She did not hesitate but to take this man in her arms and hug him tightly. They cried together for a long moment, until she pulled away to face him. As she looked into his eyes with tears brimming in her own she told him she forgave him long ago. She explains that not only did she forgive him for him, but also to bring peace of mind to herself so that she could move on.
Now I have been through some horrific things in my life, but they can not possibly be compared to that of what Corrie Ten Boom experienced. And yet she forgave those who had caused her sister and family member’s deaths and the extreme cruelty to herself. How can I not see this as an example and follow her lead. Jesus hung on the cross at the hands of angry, unjust men and yet He said to His father, “Please forgive them for they know not what they do.”
Now I’m not trying to diminish what was done to me because this person corrupted her own heart by what she did and she has a long road to hoe to begin healing herself, but I must find a way in my heart to forgive her and move on. I have learned a valuable lesson from this experience and so as I leave it behind I can grow as a human being. Her problem did not start and end with me and I don’t help her by being angry and vengeant. When the last of the camps were closed, it did not affect what was in the hearts of the SS soldiers. Why they did what they did was not because of the people in the camps. The people who were prisoners had done nothing to them, they were good people, unjustly punished.
And this is how my therapy works. I think about what happened and I try to see all sides of a situation and understand. I think I’m getting closer to an answer here. The columns that I build this answer with are the things I choose to consider valid and unchangeable. The first is that I will forgive and listen to God, mercy and compassion will be the order of the day. I will pray that peace comes to all of us that we might find a way to come to terms without any more pain, anger or frustration. But most of all I will have faith, hope, and love.
1 Corinthians 13:13 – And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
Onward and Upward!